Why I’ m anxious

Now I truely understand what a whole heart love is like when I’m holding my daughter. She gives it to me unconditionally. Now she is so small, so warm, sometimes annoying, but I have her love 100%. That’s really overwhelming, sweeping my mind suddenly when I realized she is such a breathtaking creature I brought to this shitty world. Then the secretly guilty feeling is stinging me since the day I’m awared of it.

Touching her soft hair with my chin while holding her in my arms is one of my favorite way of relaxing now. I believe every mother could steadily feel the silver cord between her and her child. However, when it occurs to me time after time that, many parents hate thier child for no reason and many children are being abused since the day they were born, I start to doubt that human beings could really have some superior love for their little child which is solely different from the love for a cute puppy or kitten.

The answer, as I know, is no. That’s why I think of human world a shitty place.

An urge of crying may grab my heart out of blue. I worry a lot: what if she grow up and get hurt from people who never resembles kindness without knowing it? What if I myself a weak instance of living influences her negatively? What if she knows all doctrines but still feel confused when facing every critical life turning points just as most mediocre others? There are always parents who can provide much more than countless kisses and warm hugs, am I supporting her enough?

As I look into her sparkling and innocent eyes, I find no answer.